Daily Buzz

I'M BACK...This Time it's for real ...I promise

2005-11-09T04:47:00.000-08:00

Okay folks,

As you can readily see, I made a post four months back declaring that I was back. Of course, I lied. It comes naturally, but that's another story. Anyway, as any astute researcher can well tell, my claim in July of being "back" came four months after my last post. After starting with three months of furious activity, then jerking around with "being back", I am sure that I have dissapointed my eleven fans. I am sorry. I will now make a more consistent effort to post to my blog. Suffice to say, with the shape of the world as it is, there is plenty of politicians, pundits, and pedestrian parrots for me to scoff at, and I will....

The Buzz is Back!

2005-07-16T04:50:00.000-07:00

Hey Folks, After a long absence to treat a degenerative rash inside my head, the buzzmaster will return to lampooning, lambasting, and languishing in blog obscurity this JULY!!! As usual, I will focus my laserlike dimwit on both sides of the political aisle, focusing on the absurdities of politics and world events from a point of view slightly askew to that possessed by the narcissistic meat parrots inside the forever loosening to accomodate for fat Beltway around the District of Corruption.

U.S. Tells North Korea to Go Bite Itself after Midget Commies Demand Direct Talks

2005-02-11T04:51:00.000-08:00

(HELLHOLE IN NORTHERN KOREAN PENNISULA)- A North Korean official has reiterated Pyongyang's demand for two-way talks with the United States, a day after North Korea said it will abandon six-party negotiations on its nuclear weapons program and bolster its arsenal.

The communist state's envoy to the United Nations, Han Sung Ryol, said in a newspaper interview published Friday that Pyongyang will consider multilateral negotiations only after bilateral talks with the United States.

"Its bad enough trying to understand English, let alone four other languages, and with everyone talking at once, nothing can get done," Han told Seoul's Hankyoreh newspaper.

The Bush administration quickly and sharply responded, saying "All nuclear weapons talks must be multilateral. The Chinese bring all the good food and the Japanese always bring the Sake and Malaysian hookers. The North Koreans show up with Doritos and a Britney Spears DVD. Unless those commies can do better, multilateral it is".

Rumsfeld Stops in Iraq To Use The Bathroom

2005-02-11T03:52:00.000-08:00

(IRAQ)- Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld made a suprise and lightning visit to a training base in Iraq on Monday, staying 7 minutes. During his visit, "The Beltway Bully" told a group of Iraqi soldiers to "stop acting like a bunch of sissy girls" and told U.S. Soldiers that "we can blow this clambake just a soon as these Iraqi bitches grow some balls". Rumsfeld then bit the head of a live rat, had a falafal to go, and slithered back on his private government jet back to Washington.

Senate Democrats declare " We are not a bunch of pussies"

2005-02-10T08:54:00.000-08:00

WASHINGTON - Senate Democrats demanded Thursday that President Bush order a halt to personal attacks on the party's leader, Sen. Harry Reid. "This is a new Democratic Party," Sen. Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., said at a news conference called to release a letter telling Bush to muzzle his "political operatives."

"It says to the president, `We are not a bunch of pussies'," said Schumer, who likened the attacks on Reid to political knee-cappings.

The letter itself was written in milder terms. "We urge you to keep your word about being a uniter and publicly halt these counterproductive attacks so that we are able to work together in a bipartisan manner and debate issues on the merits," it says.

A White House spokesman has confirmed that President Bush has read the letter and will publicly respond once VP Cheney and Mr. Rowe agree on what he should say.

Love struck Granny Lawyer Flaps Trap and is Now "Guilty" of Aiding Terrorism

2005-02-10T07:30:00.000-08:00

NEW YORK)- A New York defense lawyer was convicted on Thursday of aiding terrorism by helping a client send messages to militant followers in a case that critics say could hinder the defense of future terrorism suspects.

Lynne Stewart, 65, a feisty defender of the poor and unpopular, was accused in the closely watched case of violating an agreement made with the U.S. Justice Department to limit contact between her client, Sheikh Omar Abdel-Rahman, and the outside world. Abdel-Rahman was convicted in 1995 of conspiring to attack U.S. targets, including the 1993 World Trade Center bombing.

During the trial, prosecutors presented evidence showing that Stewart broke communications restrictions when she took written messages made by Abdel-Rahman, and delivered responses back, often hidden inside a quiche or carvel ice cream cake. Stewart's defense lawyer, on the other hand, had tried to convince the jury that Stewart had fallen prey to the irresistible charm of Sheikh Omar Abdel-Rahman and that she "did it all for love". In response, the Prosecution had contended that what Stewart thought was love was really "just a one time thing" adding "just look at her". Ultimately, The jury went with the prosecution's load of crap instead of the one offered by the defense lawyer.

Bush Advisor Rove Promoted, Battle with Cheney Over Dubya's Soul Expected

2005-02-09T09:59:00.000-08:00

WASHINGTON -- Karl Rove, President Bush's senior political strategist, has been promoted to deputy chief of staff.

Rove will add to his portfolio the oversight of all White House policy development and coordination of the Domestic Policy Council, the National Economic Council, the National Security Council and the Homeland Security Council, White House press secretary Scott McClellan said.

At the same time, Rove will continue to oversee strategy to advance his own hidden personal agenda, influence the president's agenda, and implement steps to further develop his mastery of government meat puppets.

Get The Shizz on Post Election Iraq with Buzz Columnist Snoop Dogg

2005-02-09T08:56:00.000-08:00

Still challenges fo' troops in Iraq

The new Iraq's first election is over week old, wit da Big Baby Bush administration promising stand wit da Iraqi muthas as they press ahead wit da democratic process, know what I'm sayin'? But da United States' future there remains uncertain as da White House faces pressure from Democratic leaders begin outline an exit strategy, know what I'm sayin'?

Whether security can be created in Iraq is probably da most serious challenge facing da country, know what I'm sayin'? While Big Baby Bush hailed da elections because they wuz relatively peaceful, 45 Iraqis wuz capped in da process n' shit. And da main reason there weren't mo' attacks wuz because much of da country wuz in "lockdown" on January 30, wit snipers stationed at polling centers, know what I'm sayin'?

In da meantime, a number of Democrats are asking when U.S. troops might start withdraw from Iraq, know what I'm sayin'? While Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nevada, stopped short of calling fo' an actual deadline fo' bringing troops crib, tha dude be like Monday that that shiznit's time fo' da United States "figure out a way remove ourselves from there wit dignity, know what I'm sayin'? "

It ain't gonna be easy n' shit.

Amidst da political back-'n-forth among Democrats 'n Republicans reflecting on how da election may determine da United States' fate in Iraq, that shiznit is easy forget what da elections meant Iraqis themselves, know what I'm sayin'?

What we seen is a mass procession of millions of muthas who, across a psychological barrier, after 30 years of being conditioned, of not doing anything, not even thinking, they actually took a step out, voted," tha dude be like."

And I don't think da Iraqi Muthas can never go back where that shiznit wuz.

Snoop Dogg's Weekly Shizz appears each week on the Daily Buzz.

CNN Clarifies Remarks by Idiot News Exec. Eason Jordan

2005-02-08T09:29:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland, CNN's chief news executive, Eason Jordan, raised eyebrows when he suggested that some of the 63 journalists who have been killed in Iraq had been targeted by US troops. Although Jordan quickly tempered the remarks, a controversy has been building over them on the web. CNN has responded, issuing a statement clarifying Jordan's comments. It reads as follows:

"While the majority of the 63 journalists killed in Iraq have been killed by insurgents, the Pentagon has acknowledged that the US military on occasion has killed people who turned out to be journalists," the CNN statement said. "Mr. Jordan emphatically does not believe that the US military intended to kill journalists and now believes that the US military mistakenly identified the journalists as Iraqi civilians."

Bush Swimming in Deep End with Talk of Budget

2005-02-07T07:33:00.000-08:00

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Bush on Monday proposed a $2.5 trillion budget that slashes domestic programs from farm aid to housing grants for the poor, as he sought to curb budget deficits that have soared on his watch.

The plan would cut discretionary domestic spending outside national security by 0.7 percent for fiscal year 2006, in what the White House called the most austere budget proposal since the Reagan era.

Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi of California called the proposals "really stupid" and "something you would expect from a man with a head up his ass". Bush, told of the Pelosi comments responded "tell her to calm down, I just work here. If she's got a real problem, she can talk to Cheney".

WOOHOO!! Dean on verge of becoming DNC chair

2005-02-07T05:33:00.000-08:00

WASHINGTON: Howard Dean, the doctor, governor, and former presidential frontrunner is poised to write another chapter in his varied biography, as the new chairman of the Democratic National Committee.

Barring an unforeseen development, the 447 members of the DNC will elect Dean as their chairman Saturday, putting him in charging of rebuilding - and revitalizing - a political organization that finds itself at one of its lowest ebbs.

Dean did not respond to requests for interviews over the weekend. According to an unidentified Democratic spokesman, Dean is still recovering from a severe bout of laryngitis suffered during a maniacal whooping and spinning incident after finishing a distant third in the Iowa caucuses last year.

Iraqi Group Releases Italian Journalist Due To Lack of Interest by Anyone

2005-02-07T05:32:00.000-08:00

DUBAI (Reuters) - An Iraqi group which claims it is holding an Italian journalist kidnapped in Iraq said Monday it would release her soon because she was not a spy, a statement on an Islamist Web site said.

"Since it has become absolutely clear that the Italian prisoner is not involved in espionage for the infidels in Iraq, and in response to the call from the Muslim Clerics Association, we in the Jihad Organization will release the Italian prisoner in the coming days," the statement added, "besides, she couldn't cook a lick. We figured she would at least know how to make lasagna".

Rice to Eurotrash on Iran: "Can't We All Just Get Along"

2005-02-04T09:20:00.000-08:00

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has called on Europe to show "unity of purpose" with Washington in opposing Iran's nuclear programme.

"Diplomacy can work" in resolving tensions over Tehran's nuclear ambitions, she said after talks with German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder.

But Iran had to show it was prepared to live up to its obligations, she said.
The EU has tried to negotiate with Tehran over its nuclear activities, but the US has urged a tougher stance. Earlier in London, Ms Rice - on her first overseas tour as US secretary of state - insisted that attacking Iran was not on the US agenda "at this point in time". But in a BBC interview to be shown on Sunday's Breakfast with Frost programme, Ms Rice had tough words for Iran, which she described as a "chief funder of terrorism". When pressed by reporters on why a tougher stance was better than providing incentives to the Iranians as the EU has tried to do, Rice swiftly responded " We will not hand out gifts or rewards to a terrorist supporting nation in an effort to get them to do what they know they must, unless they were interested in trading some Persian rugs for France, in which case we'd be willing to talk".

Wannabe Trumps and Stewarts audition

2005-02-04T07:20:00.000-08:00

NEW YORK - Hundreds of would-be Donald Trumps and wannabe Martha Stewarts stood in sleet and rain just a block and a dream away from Wall Street Friday, hoping to be chosen for the real estate tycoon's hit reality TV show or the imprisoned lifestyle queen's upcoming spinoff.

Trump showed up to greet them in the street and plug his hit NBC show, "The Apprentice,"and the Stewart spinoff, for which he is an executive producer. Unfortunately, Stewart could not be present at the event because of prior commitments, including plans to fold hundreds of cotton hand towels and to teach her newest prison bitch how to make a lemon meringue pie.

Iraqi News Coverage Changes Tune for a Day

2005-02-02T08:21:00.000-08:00

The news from Iraq has been bleak in the past year, especially so in recent weeks as insurgents ramped up their deadly attacks on civilians and the military in an attempt to derail Sunday's elections.

But television reports took a decisively brighter turn Sunday amid optimistic preliminary turnout results. They showed that many Iraqis defied the insurgents and risked their lives to walk to polling places and cast their votes.

As such, television anchors and correspondents covering the elections reported what they rarely report: good news.

In phone interviews, anchors from NBC, ABC, CBS and CNN all described how the situation in Iraq has gotten better since their last visits, giving the impression that it might be time to look at Iraq as a cup half full, not half empty.

"An Iraqi man turned to me today and said, 'This was a good day.' That's something you don't hear too much in Baghdad, and there was a level of surprise in his voice," CNN's Anderson Cooper said. "Something changed today. I'm pissed."

"It's human nature to be happy about a happy ending," NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams said. "And if this is indeed one step on the route to a happy ending in Iraq, well, you can bet your bottom dollar that we won't be here to cover it".
Williams said there was something extraordinary about watching Iraqis "cheating death to go cast a vote." He cautioned that Iraq is still dangerous. "I still can't walk freely out in the street.And that in itself is a major story we can hype"

Dan Rather, on perhaps his last major foreign assignment as anchor of CBS Evening News before he steps down in March, said he is optimistic about Iraq.Rather spent the past week with rank-and-file Marines. According to Rather "the troops believe the Iraq campaign is doable and that this mission can and will be accomplished." Rather added "But I don't put too much stock in the words of a bunch of jingoistic baby killers. There's a good chance that the ethnic tensions will rise and we can look forward to a lengthy civil war. I just wish I could be here to report the bloodshed."

Peter Jennings of ABC News could not be reached.It has been widely reported that he was seen jumping in to the Tigris River.

Kerry blames defeat on Bin Laden

2005-01-31T10:22:00.000-08:00

US Democratic Senator John Kerry says a video message from Osama Bin Laden sealed his defeat in a presidential race dominated by the 9/11 attacks.

Mr Kerry told NBC TV his opinion poll lead over President George W. Bush fell away after the tape was broadcast.

Osama Bin Laden's video, shown days before the vote, urged Americans to back neither Mr Bush nor Mr Kerry.

Kerry went on to say,"I spoke with Osama days earlier and he assured me that he would publicly endorse me just before the election. I guess it's a case of classic bin Laden flip-flopping".

Efforts to get a response from Bin Laden were largely unsuccessful, but an al-Qaida spokesman reached in Pakistan said "Mr. Bin Laden has been very clear regarding his video just prior to the U.S. Elections.First he voted for endorsing Kerry,then he voted against it".

'Errors of judgment' made in paying Williams

2005-01-31T08:23:00.000-08:00

Education Secretary Margaret Spellings for the first time acknowledged "errors of judgment" by the Bush administration in paying a prominent black pundit to promote its education policies, saying she has halted work on the contract.

The admission, in a letter to lawmakers, came as Congress' investigative arm on Friday opened a probe into the $240,000 contract with commentator Armstrong Williams, who has admitted that the deal was a mistake.

The USA TODAY first reported on Jan. 7 that the Education Department last year paid Williams, former protege of U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas,to advocate for its No Child Left Behind law and urge other black journalists to do the same.

Sen. Edward Kennedy , D-Mass., on Friday said, "The president said that his Cabinet agencies made a mistake when they paid commentators to promote his agenda. It's more than just a mistake, it is an abuse of taxpayer funds and and someone should be held accountable." Kennedy added, "If your gonna spend the taxpayer's money and have some black guy pimp for you, your not gonna go out and pick some uncle tom who looks like a cross between Steve Eurkel and Orville Redenbacher". Kennedy went on to say "And make no mistake, if it there were a Democrat in the White House, you would have at least seen us go and get P.Diddy, if not Oprah".

Judge Backs Guantanamo Detainee Challenges

2005-01-31T08:22:00.000-08:00

WASHINGTON - A federal judge ruled Monday that foreign terror suspects held in Cuba can challenge their confinement in U.S. courts and she criticized the Bush administration for holding hundreds of people without legal rights.

Judge Joyce Hens Green, handling claims filed by about 50 detainees at the U.S. Navy base at Guantanamo Bay, said the Supreme Court made clear last year that they have constitutional rights that lower courts should enforce.

"Although this nation unquestionably must take strong action under the leadership of the commander in chief to protect itself against enormous and unprecedented threats," she wrote, "that necessity cannot negate the existence of the most basic fundamental rights, including the rights of foreigners to blow up American citizens simply because of their love for Fast Food and Sports Utility Vehicles."

In addition, Green said that the government's definition of whom it can detain indefinitely may be too broad. She cited as an example given in an earlier court hearing, "a little old lady in Switzerland who writes a check to what she thinks is a charity that helps orphans in Afghanistan but (what) really is a front to finance al-Qaida activities." Green added " Without protecting the rights of al-Qaida to use little old ladies to help finance operations, we will never be able to undermine the security of the United States and bring down the devilish conservative politics of George W. Bush".

Giving terrorism the purple finger

2005-01-31T07:24:00.000-08:00

WASHINGTON -- The badge of honor in Iraq Sunday was a purple stain on the index finger, a sign that its owner had defied threats, bombs, and terrorists to vote in the country's first free election in more than 50 years. Each voter had his or her finger indelibly stained after dipping it in a cup of purple ink to avoid fraud, and the mark will take three or four days to be effectively removed.

Many analysts were concerned that the purple stained figure would make the voter an easier target for terrorists. However, it was determined by election officials that the purple finger posed less risks to citizens than some of the other proposals that were made in pre-election meetings between officials. In one,proponents argued for having citizens dip their fingers in camel shit as a detterent to terrorist action. They reasoned that suicide bombers would not want to get too close to someone who smells like camel shit just before meeting with 72 virgins in heaven.Also rejected was a proposal to have citizens dip their fingers in Hummos, but that was rejected out of hand for fear that it would actually attract terrorists, who , despite political differences, are like all other Iraqi's in their love for the indelible taste of a freshly made batch of homemade hummos.

Iraqis Await Poll Results

2005-01-30T05:26:00.000-08:00

As praise poured in from around the world,Iraqis anxiously await the results of a historic election that drew voters out in greater-than-expected numbers.Election workers are racing to count ballots by hand -- in some cases by candlelight because of widespread power outages -- to decide the outcome of Iraq's first multi-party vote in nearly half a century.

President Bush hailed the election as a "resounding success." He had looked to the vote as a turning point in the troubled 22-month U.S. military presence in Iraq.

But the ballot counting, all but certain to bring a Shi'ite party to power, is facing some heavy criticism from other political factions competing for govermental seats. Rumors are swirling around Baghdad that the fledgling Iraqi Insurgent Party may demand a recount. According to an Insurgent Party spokesman, "we are investigating reports that the voting was free and fair and that there were no hanging Abdullahs". However, rival party members quickly dismissed the insurgents complaints.As one rival member of the Iraqi Republican Party put it "the insurgents are simply out of touch with the values of the average Iraqi." He added "those liberal insurgents just don't get it, morals count."

Judge still considering whether to show Jackson film to jurors

2005-01-28T16:46:00.000-08:00

Judge still considering whether to show Jackson film to jurors
With jury selection set to begin Monday, the judge in Michael Jackson's child-molestation case is still considering whether jurors should see a British documentary about the pop star.

Superior Court Judge Rodney Melville scheduled a pretrial hearing for Friday to address those and other questions related to witnesses and evidence.

Jackson, 46, has pleaded not guilty to charges of molesting a 13-year-old boy and plying him with alcohol.

Jury selection could last as long as a month, with the judge and attorneys for both sides expected to screen as many as 750 prospective jurors.

The inflammatory documentary,which aired on ABC-TV in 2003,contains footage of the two holding hands and Jackson defending his practice of sleeping in the same bed with children.

Prosecutors want the jury to see the documentary. Defense lawyers object, denouncing it as "actually kind of boring" and "lacking any semblence of a plot ."

Prosecutors have also subpoenaed Martin Bashir, the film's director, to testify about the making of the documentary, titled "Jesus Juice: The Key to Getting Young Boys in the Sack." Bashir, who is fighting the subpoena, has been reported as saying "I was young, I needed the money" and "it's tough for a young documentarian to get any work at all".

A coalition of international media covering the high-profile case, including The Associated Press, is arguing that the boys' testimony should not be closed.

"I don't know about the guys down at CNN and FOX, but we really need this, revenue is down, and our readers love this shit", argued attorney Theodore Boutrous.

"The ability to observe, not merely to listen or read, testimony of one of the most famous people on the planet trying to get off with an innocent young boy is a fundamental aspect of the public's First Amendment right to titillation ," Boutrous wrote in a brief.

French Goat Gets Mad Cow

2005-01-28T05:16:00.000-08:00

A French goat slaughtered in 2002 had tested positive for "mad cow", the French agriculture ministry said, in what is the first known case in the world of the illness occurring in an animal other than a bovine.In Brussels, the European Commission said that confirmation of mad cow disease in the goat was the first time ever the condition has crossed over from bovines to another species.

"It's the first natural case in the world," European Commission spokesman Philip Tod told Agence France-Presse, explaining that goats had been teased and taunted in laboratories in efforts to step up cheese production, but that "We just thought they were depressed, like everyone else in France".

The spokesman added that this is particularly suprising because "unlike cows, who had been pissed for years because we kept making hamburger out of them, goats knew that their cheese was second rate and that they were lucky to have been getting their titties squeezed at all".

Iraqi Elections Heating Up

2005-01-24T16:20:00.000-08:00

In further signs that the democratic election process is alive and well in Iraq, top Iraqi officials dismissed reports that former Pentagon favorite Ahmed Chalabi would be arrested for slander as merely "electioneering" and "partisan posturing"by rival for Prime Minister, Hazem Shaalan. In related Iraqi election news, the fledgling Iraqi al-Qaeda Party rolled out its new "Don't Get Out and Vote" program on Monday by sending a homicide bomber to interim Prime Minister Ayad Allawi's party headquarters, injuring ten. According to al-Qaeda Party campaign director Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, "we really wanted to kick off the final days of the campaign with a big bang".

India and China Open First-Ever Strategic Dialogue

2005-01-24T07:18:00.000-08:00

India and China have held their first-ever strategic dialogue in the Indian capital. The dialogue marks a significant step forward in bilateral ties between two countries that were at odds throughout the Cold War. According to the Indian foreign ministry spokesman Navtej Sarna "The launching of this new dialogue mechanism between the two countries is significant as the rapid modernization of each country cannot be ignored" Sarna added "dramatic economic cooperation between the growing Asian powers was vital to the success of each". Sarna went on to say that projects from this new Asian superpower alliance "were already underway" and included the opening of a Panda Express inside a 7/11 franchise in Paramus, New Jersey as well as a new global advertising campaign designed to promote Pan Asian economic projects titled "Made in China, Call Answered in India".

Beware of Tolerance Pledge, Conservative Group Says

2005-01-21T09:09:00.000-08:00

A conservative group believes the cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants and his sidekick, Patrick the starfish, are being used in a new music video to promote the homosexual agenda to schoolchildren. A spokesman for Focus on the Family told the New York Times that it sees the music video as an "insidious" attempt by the nonprofit We Are Family Foundation to manipulate and brainwash children. The music video, released in November, features SpongeBob, Big Bird, Clifford, Arthur, Barney and many other cartoon characters, all singing the hit song, "We Are Family." According to a Focus on the Family spokesman, this is not the first time that a nonprofit group has been guilty of promoting homosexuality to school aged children. Other well known nonprofit groups that have been caught in the crosshairs of controversy include the San Fransico based Village People Foundation and the Catholic Church.

Islam 'does not mean killing', says cleric

2005-01-20T09:11:00.000-08:00

In another sign that Saudi Arabia is taking measures to fight against the insurgence of pro al-Qaidi sentiment within the kingdom, a leading Saudi cleric issued a plea today for Muslims not to heed calls to wage terror attacks in the name of Islam. Sheikh Abdulrahman al-Sudeis, the state-appointed preacher at the Grand Mosque in Mecca, told pilgrims in a sermon marking the feast of Eid al-Adha that Islamic scholars must preach moderation. The kingdom, which is battling a campaign of violence by Saudi-born Osama bin Laden's al-Qaida network, is trying to curtail attempts by al-Qaida to topple the pro-US Saudi rulers. His sermon, dedicated to the 2.5 million Muslims performing the hajj pilgrimage in Mecca, echoed comments made yesterday by Sheikh Abdul-Aziz al Sheik. The kingdom's grand mufti said the greatest test to the nation of Islam came from its sons who were "lured by the devil" to carry out acts of violence. Sheikh al-Sudeis added "It is not up to the sons of our nation to carry out these senseless acts of violence, rather, that decision must be left to the proper officials at the Saudi Ministry for the Killing of Infidels.

Arraignment set after showdown near White House

2005-01-19T05:12:00.000-08:00

A man in a van, who held authorities at bay for more than four hours near the White House after threatening to ignite a substance inside the vehicle, will be arraigned in U.S. District Court Wednesday morning, metropolitan police said. An FBI official said the incident appeared to be related to a domestic dispute, not terrorism. The official said they were eventually able to negotiate with the man, a disgruntled Vietnam veteran, who decided to turn himself in. It was not immediately clear what, if any, type of substance was in the van. According to officials, the man has been identified as John Kerry, 61 of Massachusetts.

Bush Looks at George Washington's Inaugural Speech

2005-01-19T00:11:00.000-08:00

President Bush on Wednesday sought inspiration for his inauguration by viewing some of America's founding documents as Washington mounted a massive security cordon under a layer of snow. Bush and his wife, Laura, went to the National Archives in the morning for a look at George Washington's handwritten 1789 inaugural address, the Bible the country's first president put his hand on when he took the oath of office, and the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. When asked if he felt the moment of history in looking at the documents, Bush said "Absolutely". Bush added " and it sure helps having Laura here to help explain what all this stuff means".

Abbas Orders Forces to Prevent Attacks

2005-01-18T11:14:00.000-08:00

Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas, under growing pressure to rein in militants, ordered his security forces Monday to prevent attacks on Israel and investigate a deadly shooting of Israeli civilians last week.
The order by Abbas, approved by his Cabinet, was the Palestinian leadership's first step against militants since six Israelis were slain Thursday at the Karni crossing between Israel and the Gaza Strip.In a brazen move that signals that the new Palestinian leader means business, Abbas courageously walked straight down the hall and into Hamas' office and told the militants to "knock it off guys or we will never be able to throw those pesky Jews into the sea".

Harvard president touches off gender debate

2005-01-18T10:13:00.000-08:00

The president of Harvard University has sparked a controversy with his suggestion biological differences account for the relatively small number of women among the world's senior scientists and mathematicians. According to a report in The Boston Globe, Summers' remarks regarding a possible genetic basis for differences in ability between men and women caused several incensed guests got up and walked out. In an effort to stem the tide of the swelling controversy, Summer's later added that his comments had been taken out of context and that the biological differences he spoke of affected both sexes and in fact accounted for the relatively small number of men among the world's senior home economic scientists and nannyaticians.

Kerry Addresses Voter Disenfranchisement: Will He Challenge Election Results ?

2005-01-17T09:14:00.000-08:00

Sen. John Kerry, in some of his most pointed public comments yet about the presidential election, invoked Martin Luther King Jr.'s legacy on Monday as he criticized President Bush and decried reports of voter disenfranchisement.The Massachusetts Democrat, Bush's challenger in November, spoke at Boston's annual Martin Luther King Day Breakfast. He reiterated that "at this time" he would not challenge the election results, but "thousands of people were suppressed in the effort to vote." As news of Kerry's attack reached the White House,President Bush responded to the speculation of an unprecedented challenge to election results uttering "Bring 'em on".

Romanian Mother, 66, Baby Girl Doing Well

2005-01-17T08:15:00.000-08:00

A 66-year-old professor who writes children's books claims to have become the world's oldest woman to give birth, and doctors said Monday she and her day-old baby daughter were in good condition in intensive care. When asked by reporters how she expected to properly care for the newborn, the new mother admitted that it would be difficult and tiresome at times, but that the baby's maternal grandmother, 99, would be there to care for the child anytime she needed a break.

Prince Harry May Visit Auschwitz

2005-01-14T08:04:00.000-08:00

Prince Harry is considering invitations from Jewish groups to visit the Auschwitz death camp, a royal spokeswoman said Friday, while Britons debated whether his wearing a swastika armband at a costume party has damaged the monarchy. The invitations ``will be given due consideration, but there are no plans at the moment,'' the spokeswoman said as the controversy over Harry's Nazi costume dominated front pages for a second day. The spokeswoman went on to say that Harry continues to deeply regret his decision to wear the Nazi get up and that in retrospect he should have listened to his older brother William, who had suggested that Harry go with his original choice, a Khmer Rouge uniform.

Speaker Touts Stripping to 8th Graders

2005-01-14T07:05:00.000-08:00

The principal of a Palo Alto middle school may not invite a popular speaker back to an annual career day after he told girls they could earn a good living as strippers. Management consultant William Fried told eighth-graders at Jane Lathrop Stanford Middle School on Tuesday that stripping and exotic dancing can pay $250,000 or more per year, depending on their bust size. Fried has given a popular 55-minute presentation, "The Secret of a Happy Life," at the school's career day the past three years. He counsels students to experiment with a variety of interests until they discover something they love and excel in. Fried also added that students could look forward to similarly high salaries as drug mules depending on bladder and rectum size and that a career as a rock groupie could also be lucrative for those with a well developed gag reflex.

Judge Rejects Georgia School Board Evolution Stand

2005-01-13T05:06:00.000-08:00

A US judge on Thursday ordered a Georgia school district to remove stickers challenging the theory of evolution from its textbooks on the grounds that they violated the US Constitution.The stickers read: "This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered". The Georgia school board, which introduced the stickers at the behest of hundreds of parents, many of them religious conservatives, contended that the stickers only advised students to keep an open mind.The judge then ordered school officials to place a new sticker in place of the old one to read "Marriage between a man and a women is a theory, not a fact, regarding the relationship between two adult individuals. Gay marriage should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered.It is not okay to have sex with your first cousin".

Bush abandons hunt for Saddam's WMD

2005-01-12T14:07:00.000-08:00

The fruitless hunt for Saddam Hussein’s alleged weapons of mass destruction has come to an end, the White House confirmed today. Officials with the Iraq Survey Group (ISG), the body established to find the very weapons which justified the war, have reported that no weapons have been found.However, members of ISG should not expect to be returning home anytime soon. According to White House officials, President Bush now intends to deploy the group to the Scottish Highlands in order to "smoke out" the Loch Ness Monster.

Canada confirms new mad cow case

2005-01-12T05:07:00.000-08:00

Canadian regulators announced Tuesday that a 7 year old Alberta cow had tested positive for mad-cow. Government officials are particularly worried since this case comes less than two weeks after news of another cow's diagnosis had emerged. In an exclusive interview with Daily Buzz correspondent Kevin Crosby, the unidentified cow said that she had recently become mad after learning that she was food. According to "Bessie Doe", there are many more Canadian cows that are "mad as hell" and "not gonna take it anymore".

Yanukovych camp vows to challenge Yushchenko's Ukraine election ..

2005-01-11T08:08:00.000-08:00

The loser of Ukraine's presidential election said Tuesday he would file massive complaints in court challenging the win by Western-leaning Viktor Yushchenko, a move that could prolong the political tensions that have dominated the presidential election. In an effort to assuage fears that further political fragmentation could lead to civil war, Yanukovych went on to assure his countrymen that he would abide by the decision of the Supreme Court, adding "Worst case scenario, we kill the judges".

Farenheit 9/11 Big Winner at People's Choice Awards

2005-01-11T06:09:00.000-08:00

Michael Moore’s film, “Fahrenheit 9/11” struck gold on Sunday night at the People’s Choice Awards when it was honored as Favorite Movie. Upon accepting the award, Moore said “This country is still all of ours, not right, or left or Democrat or Republican”. Moore then ate the award.

Blair Pushes For Revival of Road Map to Peace in Middle East

2004-12-23T10:02:00.000-08:00

British Prime Minister Tony Blair says he hopes that a conference in London early next year will be a bridge back to the stalled road map to Middle East peace. No word yet on who will build the bridge, where it will be located, how long it will be, or the whereabouts of the Road Map. The Latest rumour out of the Middle East has it that Ariel Sharon accidently left the Road Map it in a taxi cab with a driver named Abba (no relation to the Swedish group) while on his way back from his favorite falafel stand. Israeli Officals deny this report, stating that Sharon is on "Atkins" and thus would not be eating at a falafel stand. More information as it comes in.

Ukraine's Top Security Service Denies Involvement with Poisoning of Yushchenko.

2004-12-23T09:01:00.000-08:00

Ukraine's top security service has denied that it had anything to do with the dioxin poisoning that disfigured the face of opposition leader Viktor Yushchenko. On another note, the makers of Retin-A have offered Yushchenko a lifetime supply in exchange for becoming their official spokesman for the product. According to Yushchenko's agent, negotiations with Neutrogena are progressing rapidly and the first infomercial should be broadcast by the end of March.

Public Displays of Christmas and the Culture War

2004-12-21T05:03:00.000-08:00

After more than a year of he said/she said self righteous political cockfighting, the elections have passed and we Americans now find ourselves knee deep in the annual battle over the role of government as it pertains to the celebration of Christmas. Make no mistake my fellow lemmings, this issue is merely one of the many that make up America's ongoing Culture War. The deeper, end of the day issue at hand revolves around the meaning of the freedom of religion clause contained within the First Amendment. As Christmas is now just days away, be forewarned, any fits of reason that have animated the individual independent mind will once again be cast against the fan, with bellicosity filled rhetoric now making up the verbal oxygen in the public forum. Media pundits, pukes, and parrots from both sides of the partisan peanut gallery are taking up armchairs as we speak.

In one corner, we have the On Loan from God Right and its zeal to wrap the the freedom of religion clause so far around the First Amendment axle that the electorate (that's us) may actually think that forcing school-aged, I miss my mommy children to talk and walk like a windup Jesus doll (no batteries included) is a good idea. In the other corner, we see the Loony Tune Left, and its demands for governmental support for teaching evolution to fetuses in the nude while singing campfire songs and smoking weed (for medicinal purposes only).

There is no doubt that the First Amendment establishes a line in the sand between Church and State. A seismic shift away from the trendy Eurotrash combo deal supported by taxes and thrown down by edict, the question remains, where is that line? There are no definite answers, but I think it possible to gauge a notion by looking to the purpose of Church/State seperation itself. While many a knucklehead may disagree, a person with a brain (this includes me) and in touch with his (or her, See: Suffrage Movement) rational faculties can infer that the purpose of this seperation was to protect the right to dissent in matters of religion: to make certain that individualst would never be forced by government to profess or support a religious idea that he does not agree with. Government officals may handle snakes and talk to the dead (BTW, a new reality show on FOX) all they want, on their own, but they may not use the government's carrot or stick to promote these ideas. In the U.S.A, government promotion of ideas inevitably leads to government imposed psuedo-agreement where the majority rules and minorities are more tolerated than protected. It gets interesting, like here, when the majority is split.

The On Loan from God Right seeks to demand religious agreement by the power of government, ultimately "agreement" by AK-47, when it squawks up and down like a headless chicken with its support of nativity scenes placed on government property by government officals or its fight to keep "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance, a political invention implemented in 1954 by Congress as a rhetorical tool in the fight against those silly commies. At the same time, the Loony Tune Left, who have correctly fought against the righteous righties on this issue, are equally guilty in their high pitched cackles for more funding for such secular staples as public funding of the arts. These Loony Tune Lefties do not seem to give a hoot whether you or I in fact agree with or approve of the particular splotch of paint or cow dung that the liberal purse snatchers hold so dear. In the end, the Right attempts to destroy individual thought by imposing religious dogma while the Left performs a shakedown with a smile.

Whether it is the use of the public moola to endorse religious ideas or the advocacy of public dough for the artsy fartsy idea of the month, its politics by the kettle calling the pot black. While each side smacks each other, they have their hands in our pockets and their bullhorns in our ears.The bottom line is that only an individual can hold the spoon to the oatmeal inside his own head. To force a man to adhere to any particular doctrine or to fork over greenbacks to push some idea perpetuated by some depressed French guy is to paralyze the very idea of agreement, the fulcrum of our Democracy. At its core, it disables his ability to seperate truth from fairy tale.

In the end, this Culture War will be decided by truth, not by the political mercenaries and talking heads on the polyspectrum and there tug of war over who gets to control defensless little Tommy's mind while funding the effort by taxing Tommy's parents. Its about time we look a little closer at the First Amendment while at the same time getting the government out of the Meme distribution business. For the people and by the people was not articulated during a burp.

Oh by the way, Merry Christmas.

Save Scott Peterson Fund

2004-12-20T11:03:00.000-08:00

Apparently in a plea to the public to help "free the man we know is innocent," Scott Peterson's attorney is seeking donations to continue the investigation into the murders of Peterson's wife and the fetus she carried. No word just yet on rumours of a merger with the O.J. Simpson "Find the Real Killer" fund

Peterson Verdict In, Another Media Circus Winds Down

2004-11-12T17:00:00.000-08:00

Clear away the ceaseless media rigmarole of the past 5 months, and the State of California v. Scott Peterson is nothing more than your run of the mill domestic homicide case prosecuted on circumstantial evidence. However, as your friendly neighborhood media jackals at CNN, FOX, MSNBC, and COURTTV have succeeded in bringing to town a circus that would have made proud papas of both Barnum and Bailey, digital rubbernecks across this nation have continuously and hypnotically cleared brush on the path to their own mental obesity, consuming one fast food sound nugget after another, digesting each episode of the battle of the network talking heads, and of course, eagerly awaiting each bombshell du jour. To be fair, there was somewhat of a prisoner’s dilemma for journalists. One the one hand, the trappings of a highly rated Lifetime movie did exist. Sex, infidelity, murder, you name it. On the other hand, for all the Shakespearean notions, much of the day-to-day trial was more like a day spent in an elevator minus the Muzak. Such is inherently bad for advertising dollars. In this Darwinian age of digitized obsolescence, the 24-hour news networks lust for sticky eyeballs is insatiable. The problem is that the trial, like any other criminal jury trial, often produced nothing more than cold logic, mundane details, and abstract rules. So, as a trial sets forth one piece of dispassionate minutia after another, each media outlet must take these morsels and reconstitute them in a fashion more suitable for tomorrow’s water cooler analysis. In turn, the competition amongst the media players drives a hyperbolic freak show that leads to a critical mass of distortion and oversimplification that has become the mainstay for our deep fried media culture. In this case, if it weren’t for the inconvenient fact that a pregnant woman and her unborn child were actually and savagely murdered, we could simply justify the hype and glitz as mere entertainment. Good television. But we cannot and should not because the tragedy is real. The pain and suffering for the friends and family members is also real and it does not go away with a click of the remote. It remains forever. We, the general public are also damaged, surreptitiously, as a bedrock institution of our society erodes one highly publicized trial at a time. The effectiveness of the American criminal justice system depends upon its legitimacy in the eyes of the public. It depends upon the public's trust and belief that a trial is ultimately and simply, a search for the truth. When the media treats it like the bearded lady, the public loses confidence in our courts as a serious and solemn place where real justice is really done. At the same time, you can be sure that if we didn’t like candy apples and cotton candy, those items would not be sold a

About The Daily Buzz

2004-10-11T16:15:00.000-07:00

This Blog is dedicated to all of those folks who have listened to my opinion over the years despite the fact that they were not related nor in a closed room from which they could not escape. I commend your courage. You are now free to go about your lives.

Moving forward, The Daily Buzz will now serve as the primary domain for the incessant waves of thoughts and impressions that find presence inside my head. I plan on musing on everything from the Arts to Zoology, though I am fairly certain that most posts regarding Zoology will focus on the plight of the North American Coastal Blue Donkey and its intraspecies rival,the Fly Over Red Interior Elephant.

Finally, I offer no warranty to the wisdom or logic of these posts and thus suspect that most will vacillate between cogent arguments set forth in a cohesive manner and unintelligible stream of conscious babble. The issue of quality is for you, the reader to decide.