The Buzz is Back!

Hey Folks, After a long absence to treat a degenerative rash inside my head, the buzzmaster will return to lampooning, lambasting, and languishing in blog obscurity this JULY!!! As usual, I will focus my laserlike dimwit on both sides of the political aisle, focusing on the absurdities of politics and world events from a point of view slightly askew to that possessed by the narcissistic meat parrots inside the forever loosening to accomodate for fat Beltway around the District of Corruption.

U.S. Tells North Korea to Go Bite Itself after Midget Commies Demand Direct Talks

(HELLHOLE IN NORTHERN KOREAN PENNISULA)- A North Korean official has reiterated Pyongyang's demand for two-way talks with the United States, a day after North Korea said it will abandon six-party negotiations on its nuclear weapons program and bolster its arsenal.

The communist state's envoy to the United Nations, Han Sung Ryol, said in a newspaper interview published Friday that Pyongyang will consider multilateral negotiations only after bilateral talks with the United States.

"Its bad enough trying to understand English, let alone four other languages, and with everyone talking at once, nothing can get done," Han told Seoul's Hankyoreh newspaper.

The Bush administration quickly and sharply responded, saying "All nuclear weapons talks must be multilateral. The Chinese bring all the good food and the Japanese always bring the Sake and Malaysian hookers. The North Koreans show up with Doritos and a Britney Spears DVD. Unless those commies can do better, multilateral it is".

Rumsfeld Stops in Iraq To Use The Bathroom

(IRAQ)- Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld made a suprise and lightning visit to a training base in Iraq on Monday, staying 7 minutes. During his visit, "The Beltway Bully" told a group of Iraqi soldiers to "stop acting like a bunch of sissy girls" and told U.S. Soldiers that "we can blow this clambake just a soon as these Iraqi bitches grow some balls". Rumsfeld then bit the head of a live rat, had a falafal to go, and slithered back on his private government jet back to Washington.

Senate Democrats declare " We are not a bunch of pussies"

WASHINGTON - Senate Democrats demanded Thursday that President Bush order a halt to personal attacks on the party's leader, Sen. Harry Reid. "This is a new Democratic Party," Sen. Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., said at a news conference called to release a letter telling Bush to muzzle his "political operatives."

"It says to the president, `We are not a bunch of pussies'," said Schumer, who likened the attacks on Reid to political knee-cappings.

The letter itself was written in milder terms. "We urge you to keep your word about being a uniter and publicly halt these counterproductive attacks so that we are able to work together in a bipartisan manner and debate issues on the merits," it says.

A White House spokesman has confirmed that President Bush has read the letter and will publicly respond once VP Cheney and Mr. Rowe agree on what he should say.

Love struck Granny Lawyer Flaps Trap and is Now "Guilty" of Aiding Terrorism

NEW YORK)- A New York defense lawyer was convicted on Thursday of aiding terrorism by helping a client send messages to militant followers in a case that critics say could hinder the defense of future terrorism suspects.

Lynne Stewart, 65, a feisty defender of the poor and unpopular, was accused in the closely watched case of violating an agreement made with the U.S. Justice Department to limit contact between her client, Sheikh Omar Abdel-Rahman, and the outside world. Abdel-Rahman was convicted in 1995 of conspiring to attack U.S. targets, including the 1993 World Trade Center bombing.

During the trial, prosecutors presented evidence showing that Stewart broke communications restrictions when she took written messages made by Abdel-Rahman, and delivered responses back, often hidden inside a quiche or carvel ice cream cake. Stewart's defense lawyer, on the other hand, had tried to convince the jury that Stewart had fallen prey to the irresistible charm of Sheikh Omar Abdel-Rahman and that she "did it all for love". In response, the Prosecution had contended that what Stewart thought was love was really "just a one time thing" adding "just look at her". Ultimately, The jury went with the prosecution's load of crap instead of the one offered by the defense lawyer.

Bush Advisor Rove Promoted, Battle with Cheney Over Dubya's Soul Expected

WASHINGTON -- Karl Rove, President Bush's senior political strategist, has been promoted to deputy chief of staff.

Rove will add to his portfolio the oversight of all White House policy development and coordination of the Domestic Policy Council, the National Economic Council, the National Security Council and the Homeland Security Council, White House press secretary Scott McClellan said.

At the same time, Rove will continue to oversee strategy to advance his own hidden personal agenda, influence the president's agenda, and implement steps to further develop his mastery of government meat puppets.

Get The Shizz on Post Election Iraq with Buzz Columnist Snoop Dogg

Still challenges fo' troops in Iraq

The new Iraq's first election is over week old, wit da Big Baby Bush administration promising stand wit da Iraqi muthas as they press ahead wit da democratic process, know what I'm sayin'? But da United States' future there remains uncertain as da White House faces pressure from Democratic leaders begin outline an exit strategy, know what I'm sayin'?

Whether security can be created in Iraq is probably da most serious challenge facing da country, know what I'm sayin'? While Big Baby Bush hailed da elections because they wuz relatively peaceful, 45 Iraqis wuz capped in da process n' shit. And da main reason there weren't mo' attacks wuz because much of da country wuz in "lockdown" on January 30, wit snipers stationed at polling centers, know what I'm sayin'?

In da meantime, a number of Democrats are asking when U.S. troops might start withdraw from Iraq, know what I'm sayin'? While Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nevada, stopped short of calling fo' an actual deadline fo' bringing troops crib, tha dude be like Monday that that shiznit's time fo' da United States "figure out a way remove ourselves from there wit dignity, know what I'm sayin'? "

It ain't gonna be easy n' shit.

Amidst da political back-'n-forth among Democrats 'n Republicans reflecting on how da election may determine da United States' fate in Iraq, that shiznit is easy forget what da elections meant Iraqis themselves, know what I'm sayin'?

What we seen is a mass procession of millions of muthas who, across a psychological barrier, after 30 years of being conditioned, of not doing anything, not even thinking, they actually took a step out, voted," tha dude be like."

And I don't think da Iraqi Muthas can never go back where that shiznit wuz.

Snoop Dogg's Weekly Shizz appears each week on the Daily Buzz.

CNN Clarifies Remarks by Idiot News Exec. Eason Jordan

Two weeks ago at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland, CNN's chief news executive, Eason Jordan, raised eyebrows when he suggested that some of the 63 journalists who have been killed in Iraq had been targeted by US troops. Although Jordan quickly tempered the remarks, a controversy has been building over them on the web. CNN has responded, issuing a statement clarifying Jordan's comments. It reads as follows:

"While the majority of the 63 journalists killed in Iraq have been killed by insurgents, the Pentagon has acknowledged that the US military on occasion has killed people who turned out to be journalists," the CNN statement said. "Mr. Jordan emphatically does not believe that the US military intended to kill journalists and now believes that the US military mistakenly identified the journalists as Iraqi civilians."

Bush Swimming in Deep End with Talk of Budget

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Bush on Monday proposed a $2.5 trillion budget that slashes domestic programs from farm aid to housing grants for the poor, as he sought to curb budget deficits that have soared on his watch.

The plan would cut discretionary domestic spending outside national security by 0.7 percent for fiscal year 2006, in what the White House called the most austere budget proposal since the Reagan era.

Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi of California called the proposals "really stupid" and "something you would expect from a man with a head up his ass". Bush, told of the Pelosi comments responded "tell her to calm down, I just work here. If she's got a real problem, she can talk to Cheney".

WOOHOO!! Dean on verge of becoming DNC chair

WASHINGTON: Howard Dean, the doctor, governor, and former presidential frontrunner is poised to write another chapter in his varied biography, as the new chairman of the Democratic National Committee.

Barring an unforeseen development, the 447 members of the DNC will elect Dean as their chairman Saturday, putting him in charging of rebuilding - and revitalizing - a political organization that finds itself at one of its lowest ebbs.

Dean did not respond to requests for interviews over the weekend. According to an unidentified Democratic spokesman, Dean is still recovering from a severe bout of laryngitis suffered during a maniacal whooping and spinning incident after finishing a distant third in the Iowa caucuses last year.